How Do I Resolve My Conflict?
Conflicts always originate from real life circumstances that your subconscious views as a threat.
Everyone is different, which is why the same event may result in a different conflict for different people.
Here’s an example of two clients I worked with:
The situation they faced was almost identical, but their physical responses were very different.
- Amy was a young woman who lived at home with her parents. One afternoon she came outside of her room to find her mother clearing her personal belongings from the dining room table. Her mother was upset and frustrated and accused Amy of being thoughtless for leaving her things all around the house to be cleaned up.
Amy apologized profusely and that night had severe joint pain so that she tossed and turned in her sleep.
- My other client, Jeff, came home from work to find his wife clearing his personal belongings from the dining room table. She, too, was upset and frustrated and accused Jeff of being thoughtless for leaving his things all around the house to be cleaned up.
Jeff was annoyed and asked his wife to please stop touching his things. The next morning he woke up with severe heartburn and vomiting.
Did you notice the difference? Amy felt guilty and worried that she was selfish. She suffered a self-devaluation conflict that affected her bones. Jeff, on the other hand, was irritated that his personal space and boundaries were being violated. He suffered a territorial anger conflict that affected his stomach.
So how can they resolve these conflicts?
Finding a practical solution is usually the best and most lasting solution.
For example, if someone loses their job, they could benefit from learning a hobby or becoming involved with volunteer work. If they are suffering from a self-devaluation, they can seek affirmation of their worth and value.
If they are trapped in a motor conflict because of an abusive relationship, they may need to leave. If their bladder is inflamed from a territorial marking conflict, they may need to set better boundaries.
Sometimes conflicts resolve themselves when circumstances change or more important things take priority.
In some cases resolving a conflict immediately can be dangerous.
REMEMBER: Since the intensity of healing symptoms is always directly proportional to the degree of conflict activity at the moment it is resolved, then resolving a very intense conflict can lead to a very intense (and even life-threatening) healing phase.
This is especially true with heart-related conflicts, such as overwhelm, which can result in a heart attack during the healing phase.
In this case, it becomes vital to downgrade or distract from the conflict instead.
This might look like approaching things from a more spiritual perspective. We could change our attitude, let go of anger, view the situation from a different perspective, try to see the big picture, demonstrate empathy for the other person’s point of view, practice forgiveness, or show love and kindness.
We might especially use distraction in the case of children, such as sending them outside to play when their parents have a disagreement so they don’t have to witness an event that could trigger a conflict shock.
No matter what, always follow the body’s lead and honor the patient as the healer.
A skilled practitioner knows that they don’t run the show. It is their job to follow the patient’s lead to support the healing process without interfering or causing harm.
By understanding how the body is designed, complications can be anticipated and avoided. Gentle interventions can be planned to slow down an intense healing phase.
It’s not uncommon for things to appear to get worse before they get better.
This is because deep fatigue can be a symptom of an intense healing phase. Some people may become so tired that they cannot even get out of bed, but this is actually a very good sign. Rest is a critical element for healing!
You may need to prepare yourself to experience discharge, night sweats, inflammation, and pain during the healing phase.
These are normal and expected, even highly desirable, but if complications were to arise that impaired organ function, it would be wise to seek medical attention (even going to the emergency room if necessary).
There’s no need to panic, but some healing symptoms such as an asthma or gallbladder attack could require acute medical intervention.
Headaches are also a common symptom of healing.
In less severe cases, strong coffee or tea can help reduce the edema and pain, as can taking vitamin C, putting an ice pack on the head, or taking cold showers. (Try to avoid direct sunlight, hot baths, or saunas.)
You may notice that your symptoms are worse at night (while in a parasympathetic healing state) and then improve around 3:00 or 4:00 AM when you switch into a sympathetic nervous system state.
Certain medications can inhibit or support the healing process as well.
It’s normal that when you start creating internal shifts to heal, things will change externally in your life, too. Sometimes relationships won’t fit the way they used to.
People who were your closest friends may no longer understand you. Instead, new people show up to help you grow and move forward on your path in life.
It’s important to find the right community to support you in your healing.
Part of the fundamental nature of biological conflict shocks is that they are isolating, so staying connected (and not withdrawing) while experiencing symptoms is part of the healing process.
You may find that you can’t do small talk or socialize like usual.
This is when it helps find a few, close, caring people who just “get it.” The support and care of family and friends are the most precious gift a loved one can receive during that time.
Don’t be afraid to reach out for help!